By Nick Vespasiano
The NFL has seen many arrests in recent years, many for ridiculous reasons. This begs the question, what if all of those arrested players were on the same team? Presenting the NFL All-Arrest First Team offense:
QB – Michael Vick: Dogfighting
Mike Vick was arrested back in 2007 and sent to prison for 23 months for dogfighting as a member of the Atlanta Falcons. To this day his reputation among NFL fans is mixed. Pretty interesting how fans will turn on someone like Vick while embracing someone like Ray Lewis (who killed a guy). It was hard not to choose Daunte Culpepper for this spot but the Vikings “love boat” is already on the list.
RB – Marshawn Lynch: Hit-and-run, felony gun charges, DUI
Super Bowl champion, Marshawn Lynch has been arrested three times. The first was in 2008 as a Buffalo Bill when he hit a woman in his Porche and drove off. Thankfully she was ok and he lost his license. In 2009, still a Bill, Lynch was arrested and sentenced to probation in California when police found a loaded gun in his car. Finally, as a Seattle Seahawk in 2012, lynch was arrested on suspicion of DUI. Lynch gets the first RB spot for getting arrested three separate times for three different things.
RB – Dion Lewis: falsely reporting a fire, reckless endangerment
Plenty of running backs get arrested, most recently Ray Rice for assaulting his fiance (they still got married!). I hadn’t even heard of former Philadelphia Eagle Dion Lewis but his 2012 arrest was the most unique of the RB’s. He and his brother, both drunk, pulled the fire alarm on their hotel when they got locked out. He was charged with falsely reporting a fire and reckless endangerment but somehow the charges were dropped.
FB – Corey Macintyre: exposure
Of all the arrested FB’s, this guy takes the cake. In 2009, the former Buffalo Bill allegedly “fondled himself” outside the window of a 59-year-old woman at 8:30 in the morning. The charges would eventually be dropped.
TE – Matt Spaeth: public urination
Tight ends (excluding Aaron Hernandez) seem to be more well behaved than other positions. But former Pittsburgh Steelers tight end Matt Spaeth was cited for disorderly conduct in 2009 for publicly urinating outside a restaurant near Heinz Field. Spaeth’s teammate, kicker Jeff Reed tried to interfere with the police and got himself arrested as well.
WR – Randy Moss: careless driving
In 2002, the former Minnesota Vikings wideout struck and pushed a traffic officer half a block in Minneapolis. Police allegedly found marijuana in his car but he was never charged. Moss pled guilty to careless driving, costing him $1200 and 40 hours community service. Not the first or last of his antics but definitely the most notable of his career.
WR – Plaxico Burress: criminal possession of a weapon and reckless endangerment
Who can forget when in 2008 Plaxico Burress shot himself in the leg accidentally in a New York City night club? A member of the New York Giants at the time, Burress was charged with two counts of criminal possession of a handgun and reckless endangerment after the gun tucked in his jeans went off. He had no license for the gun. Burress was sentenced to two years in prison and two years of supervised release. He was also suspended for the Giant’s last four games and released after the season ended.
OT – Bryant McKinnie: indecent conduct, disorderly conduct, and lewd or lascivious conduct
Bryant McKinnie was one of four members of the 2005 Minnesota Vikings involved in the “love boat” incident. The party on Lake Minnetonka involved two boats, 16 other Vikings, prostitutes from Atlanta and Florida, and 90 people in total. Without going into too much detail, McKinney apparently had himself a good time. He ended up paying a $2,000 fine, completed 48 hours community service, and forfeited one game’s worth of pay.
OG – Eric Steinbach: boating under the influence
Only six NFL guards have been arrested since 2000. Former Cincinnati Bengal Eric Steinbach was cited for drunken boating back in 2006. The fifth Bengal to be arrested that year and the only drunken boater on the list, Steinbach drove through an idle zone on the Ohio River in Kentucky before being pulled over and failing several field sobriety tests.
C – Kenyetta Jones: assault, battery on a law enforcement officer, obstruction, trespassing
While a member of the New England Patriots in 2003, Kenyetta Jones poured scalding hot water on his roommate, giving him second and third-degree burns. He was released by the Patriots and went on to play in the Arena Football League. In 2008, he tried to urinate on the dance floor of a St. Petersburg night club which ended in his being charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, obstruction, and trespassing after police tried to remove him.
OG – Jeremy Bridges: assault and battery, communicating threats
Just before 2007 training camp, as a member of the Carolina Panthers, Jeremy Bridges was arrested for pointing a gun at a woman in a strip club parking lot. He was suspended 60 days, given a year probation, a $500 fine, and 60 hours community service. The very next year, while he and his wife celebrated their anniversary at a restaurant, Bridges bought a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne and proceeded shake the bottle and spray other customers. When asked to leave he allegedly got physical with a bouncer and was arrested on a $2500 bond.
OT – Andre Smith: attempting to board an airplane with a loaded gun
In early 2013, Cincinnati Bengals tackle Andre Smith tried to get on a plane at the Atlanta airport with a loaded handgun. I don’t know what’s worse, not knowing you can’t bring guns on airplanes or thinking you could get away with it. He claims he didn’t know the .380 pistol was in his bag before going to the airport yet somehow he didn’t bother checking. He was released from jail on a $3,000 bond.
Nick Vespasiano is a senior English major at St. Olaf College and aspiring sports writer. He was raised in Minnesota, favorite teams are the Vikings, Wild, and Twins. Favorite athletes are Randy Moss and Jaromír Jágr.